So you always wanted a handbook for relationships. Well, here you go...
A WOMANS 50 RULES FOR MEN
Call.
Don't lie.
If guys night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
The correct answer to Do I look fat? is never, ever,
Yes.
Ditto for Is she prettier than me?
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
Honey, Darling, and Sweetheart are
good.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better. Her cooking is excellent.
That isnt an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
Dish soap is your friend.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and
warm does not equal clean.
Answering Who was that on the phone? with Nobody
is never going to end that conversation.
Ditto for Whose lipstick is this?
Two words: clean socks.
Believe it or not, youre probably not more attractive when
youre drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
You're wrong.
You're sorry.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car
than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single
bound.
Will you marry me? is good. Lets shack up
together is bad.
Dont assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Dont assume PMS doesnt exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels
like at that particular moment in time, and it could change
without notice.
But, we kiss... is not justification for using her toothbrush.
You dont clean plaque with your tongue.
Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Dont whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Dont act
like complete jerk until she does it for you.
Dont tell her you love her if you dont.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers.
Remember Valentines Day, and any cheesy anniversary she
so-names.
Dont try to change the way she dresses.
Her haircut is never bad.
Dont let your friends pick on her.
Call.
Dont lie.
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact
that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting
room on your butt smoking cigars isnt fair either, and it
balances everything.
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