You will be asked to sign one of these prior to first jump
1. I (Fill in your name here) have come to the skydiving instructional service (fill in name of school here) of my own free will.
2. I am not under the influence or persuasion of any person, entity, corporation, group, cult, or other external influence of any kind.
3. I am not under the influence of any drug (including but not
restricted to) alcohol, tobacco, firearms, nicotine, marijuana,
cocaine, heroin, amphetamines, or any other drugs, prescription or non prescription.
4. Regardless of {1} through {3} above, I have paid the (name of
school here) a large sum of money to take me many thousands of feet up in the air and throw me out of a plane. I am not insane, and certainly am fully capable of making legal decisions for myself, and am fully responsible for my own actions.... I just have no common sense.
5. I have been made fully aware that asking someone to throw you out of a plane while it is still many thousands of feet in the air might be dangerous. I don't care. It's my life, and I'll throw it away as I see fit. The good, caring, sensitive, highly trained people at (fill in name of school here) are CERTAINLY not to blame if anything antoward should happen to me during this foolish venture. In fact, they tried desperately to talk me out of it, but I wouldn't listen. I am also very stubborn.
6. I further certify that I am in absolute perfect health. There is simply nothing wrong with me that could be in any way aggravated, or bring me to jeopardy if I jump out of a plane very high up in the sky. The good, caring, sensitive, highly trained people at (fill in name of school here) asked me many times until I became annoyed, and I explained this to them fully.
6.a. I am in fact such a perfect specimen of health, that the doctors from the Mayo Clinic often stop by to see how the sick, injured, unhealthy people they treat should look when they get done with them. I am dang near indestructible. Therefore, should I be in some fashion injured in any way while skydiving, it was undoubtedly (in my sane opinion) an overt act of a malicious God, and totally NOT the fault of the good, caring, sensitive, highly trained people at (fill in name of school here).
7. Prior to arriving for my first skydiving jump, I informed every single member of my family, my wife's family, our friends, their friends, every dead relative that could be reached by channeling, and every stranger that we met on the ride up here, that I was going to do this. They all agreed wholeheartedly that it was a wonderful idea, and that I couldn't possibly be safer. So if any of them should come around later trying to sue the good, caring, sensitive, highly trained people at (fill in name of school here), well, they're a pack of (fill in strong language here) LIARS!!!!!
9. I'm ready to go jump out of the plane now, as soon as the good, caring, sensitive, highly trained people at (fill in name of school here) stop trying to teach me every facet of this sport which I desperately need to know but doubtlessly will not listen to because I'm just stupid.
Signed this _______ day of _________ , Year of Our Lord __________,
(Your name here)_______________
And may God have mercy on my soul.
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